The Count's World, Episode 8 The Missing Count
by The Great Allie
Summary: One morning the castle realized that Count Bleck has gone missing. They'll do anything to find him, even if it means getting sucked into a bizarre mystery.
1. 8 dash 1

EPISODE 8-1

It was another morning in Castle Bleck. Even though he himself was not a morning person, he liked for everybody to start to wake up and be up at a reasonably early hour. So even though nobody really wanted to, everyone started dragging thesmelves out of bed at six or seven. The first meeting was usually at eight or nine if they were expecting to recieve news or a new mission, which they were. Nastasia made breakfast first, and the rest of them came in at staggering times to eat and make light conversation, but the morning was dead otherwise. By eight they were all in their places in the meeting room- O'Chunks, Mimi, Dimentio, and Mr. L all standing on their pedistals, and Nastasia and Tippi above them all, just below and above the Count's pedistal respectively.

Except there was no Count.

Nastasia checked her watch. The Count usually kept strictly to his scheduel, which was yet another thing she loved about him. It was not like him to be running late, even less so for him to not tell her so she could adjust accordingly.

"Ah, so, when'r we gonna get it started then?" O'Chunks bellowed. He wasn't really yelling- his voice was always an enormous presence, and in the quiet and still morning it seemed even more so.

"Golly, O'Chunks," said Mimi, sticking her finger in her ear and trying to restore her hearing. "Why don't you save the sonic booms for when I'm not around, huh?"

"Ah, sorry, lass," O'Chunks replied. "I keep fergettin' how puny yer wee little ears be."

"Puny? Mimimimimi! I'll show you puny!"

"Please, Mimi," Dimentio said. "O'Chunks only mean that your ears are inferior and pathetic in comparison to his enormous, beastly girth. It certainly isn't your fault you're both so differently hideous."

"Ah, why'd yeh have teh drag me girth inta it," O'Chunks said threateningly. "Now yeh'r gonna have teh feel the full force o' it."

"Yeah!" Mimi snapped. "What he said... only for me!"

"Just a second," Mr. L cut in. "Usually by now the Count has said something to get the fighting to stop."

They all looked up at the pedistal and, sure enough, the Count wasn't there.

"Yeah," said Nastasia. "It's just me."

"Well, that certainly is odd," said Dimentio, more to himself than anyone else. "It's not like the Count to leave us hanging like this, is it?"

"So, where is the Count?" The question seemd to come from everyone.

"I haven't seen him," said Nastasia. "Yeah, so I have no idea where he could be. Tippi, have you seen him this morning?"

"No," said Tippi. "When I woke up, he was already gone. I assuemed he'd gone to get breakfast and get started on his work, so I waited to see him at the meeting."

An odd silence hung in the room.

"Search the castle," said Nastasia. "It's probably nothing but we really should figure out what's going on, anyway. Dimentio, first floor, west wing. Mimi, first floor, east wing. Mr. L, second floor east wing. O'Chunks, second floor west wing. I'll take the entryway and the atrium, and all the central areas. Tippi, check the grounds. Call the others when you find him. It's probably nothing but we should probably be on top of this. We'll have the meeting back here in a half-hour unless the Count gives us other orders, K? K. Break."

They didn't find Count Bleck anywhere. At first they were simply opening doors and calling his name, figuring he'd lost track of time and was dawdling somewhere in the castle. But when they'd called all the rooms in thier area and hadn't heard from anyone else either, it got a bit more intense. Checking in and around the room to see if he'd fallen asleep in some forgotten corner, or if he was simply hiding out in a closet somewhere, or rolled under a bed and couldn't get out. Then it was simply looking for the sake of looking- he had to be somewhere, so check everywhere.

And they didn't find him. The regular four came back to the meeting room empty-handed, hoping Nastasia had the answer. They didn't even get onto their regular stands. As soon as they walked in, the saw Nastasia standing by herself holding the Beige Prognosticus and looking worried. As soon as she saw them, she cleared her throat and straightened up, suddenly looking more professional and business-like. Tippi fluttered in through a window.

"I didn't find Blumiere anywhere," she said. "Nastasia, I'm really worried. What if something happened to him?"

"He's fine," said Nastasia. "This is all probably nothing, just a breakdown in communication. Yeah, he probably went out today and I forgot to deliver the memo to everyone."

"You, forgetting to deliver a memo?" Dimentio said with obvious disbelief. "That's quite possibly even more troubling."

"When did we see him last?" asked Mimi.

"Last night after dinner," said O'Chunks, "just like we always do. No, wait a minnit there... I didn't see 'im at dinner. 'E was still out on one o' 'is fact-findin' trips when I et me grub."

"Same here," said Mr. L. "Tippi, did you see him before you went to bed?"

"No," said Tippi slowly. "I remember now. I went to bed early... I wasn't feeling well."

"And you didn't see him this morning," Mimi finished. "O'Chunks... Nastasia... and... do you think maybe he didn't actually come home?"

"I'm going to check his notes," said Nastasia. "Find out exactly where he went yesterday. I'll be right back, K?"

Nastasia left quickly and headed down the corridors to Count Bleck's private study. It wasn't that nobody was allowed in the study; he had never explicitely forbade anyone from entering. But he did a lot of serious work in there and couldn't be bothered, and much of his work was closed up and filed away when he wasn't there, making it all seem very private. What went on in Count Bleck's study was his own business, and even Tippi didn't go in there.

Nastasia went in now. Inside, it looked as if he was still working. He always cleaned up after himself, putting books back on the shelf and putting papers back in drawers or boxes. Now there were open books strewn on the desk and surrounding floor, and papers all over the place. It didn't look like a struggle- the Count was a messy worker- but it looked like he had been pulled away in the middle of something.

Nastais set the Beige Prognosticus on the pedistal and opened it to the last page that had writing on it. The Count wrote everything he wanted to go in there on a seperate sheet of paper, and had Nastasia transcribe it into the book. His handwriting was chicken scratch at best, but her penmanship was smooth and perfect. Like everything else she did, he told her. He'd given her that compliment once, and she treasured it close to her heart. He didn't love her, but he thought she was perfect.

No time to dwell on a lost love, she reminded herself. Quickly she brushed aside her fantasies and checked his desk. The last thing he was working on would be on the desk. After he finished with that thing, he'd put it ont he floor next to him, and through constant circulation and movement it would drift farther and farther away. The first thing he did would be on the outer edge of the mess perimiter.

There were a few letters on the desk. Nastasia picked up the one on top and read silently

_Castle Bleck:_

_Your reputation has spread far and wide since your successes at Rogueport, Fahr Outpost, and most recently Twilight Town. We, too, have a problem we don't know how to solve. Could you please visit us and help us drive these Monty Moles away once and for all?_

_--From the residents of Flower Fields_

There were several more letters like it, asking for assistance in solving problems.

_Dear Castle Bleck:_

_Word of your helpfulness and courage has spread to my part of the world. I wonder of you could do me, too, a favor. If you see my good-for-nothing husband on one of your missions, could you point him in my direction? He went on an archaeological mission again without telling me._

_--Love, Kolorado's Wife_

Nastasia began to skim the other letters in the pile.

_We need you hook us up, brah. Cragnons having bad trouble with Floro Sapians. It bad time. Hook us up, brah_

_--From Cragnons_

_The hunger! Oh, for some food!_

_--Belome_

_Would you help us chase away these darn Fuzzies? They keep coming back and it's driving us crazy!_

_--Yoshi Village_

_We need more Shine Sprites!_

_--Piantas_

_So, um... look, I need help with my sewing. I can't get the pleats to come out right! And if I ask anybody else here for help, I'll turn into a laughingstock. But I really need to get these pleats right! Come on, help me out, yeah?_

_--Wario_

_I can't find my good gloves. You know, the ones that go with my purple and red dress? The one I wore to the fancy dress party? Have you seen them? Oh, never mind- here they are. Oopsie!_

_--Mimi_

_Yeah, so... look, I need to win a race again, okay? I'm loosing my cred around this place. Anything you can do for me, it'd be sweet. I don't need to be the boss again. Just need someone to make me look good._

_--Boshi_

Nastasia frowned. The Count would never accept such a selfish mission as that. And some of them were just plain strange. But some of the letters were from people who would truly need his help. Truly, his reputation was growing as a doer of good and someone you could call on to help. His dream of making the world a better place was already coming true.

There was one other letter, on the side of the desk, with a piece of paper next to it. She'd missed it in her first go-over, but now she picked up that one and read it too.

_Dear Count Bleck._

_We, too, have a seemingly unsolvable problem. We live deep in the underground of Toad Town and Forever Forest. We are trapped here by fighting with those that live above, and since it's broken out I cannot be with my love. Please come and help the fighting stop._

_K. Man Koopa Troop_

There was something wrong with this letter. Nastasia could tell, but she couldn't know how, or what. She picked up the piece of paper under it and saw it was a note he'd left himself. It read, "Visit KM Koopa 4 details to decide." To decide whether or not to take on the mission, and who to send. Of course he'd take it on, she realized with a grin. Someone seperated from his true love? He would be all over that mission.


	2. 8 dash 2

EPISODE 8-2

Nastasia filled in the others on what she'd found in the Count's office. It was decided that she, Tippi, and Mr. L would go out to find Count Bleck and K. Man Koopa Troop. O'Chunks, Mimi, and Dimentio would wait at the castle in case he came back.

Tippi teleported them all to Toad Town, right near the castle gates. It was the central hub of activity, so it seemed like a good place to start.

"First let's ask around," said Nastasia. "See if anyone's seen Count Bleck, or knows anything about the stuff in this letter. Stay close, K?

It was actually quite easy to walk up to people and ask questions. Toad Town was something of a tourist city these days, and they were used to all kinds of strange creatures walking around and making conversation. There was a time when you could go there and expect to see nothing but Toads, but that day was gone and a new age of diversity was afoot. Nastasia looked so professional and businesslike that everyone assumed she was here on, well, business.

"Scuse me," she said to a passing Toad. "Yeah, we're looking for someone. Have you seen this guy?" and she flashed a picture of Count Bleck. "We're also looking for someone named K. Man Koopa Troop."

"You aren't the first to come asking about him," said the Toad. "I have no idea who K. Man whatever is." He glanced at the picture, then pointed at it. "But this guy was here last night asking around. Asked if we knew anything about fighting going on in Forever Forest. I don't know what he was talking about, and he seemed pretty hacked off about something."

"Hmm," said Nastaisa. That's all. Just hmm. She took back the letter and the photo.

"You'd best be careful if you're looking for that guy," said the Toad. "He's an unsavory character. I mean, he's the guy who tried to destroy everything."

"Yeah," said Nastasia. "But that's in the past."

"I wouldn't be too sure," the Toad replied. "People never change, not really."

"That's true," said Tippi hotly. "Blumiere was a sweet, kind man in the beginning, and no matter how evil he felt in between, to this day he's a sweet, kind man. If people never really change, then we have nothing to worry about!"

"Chill out, Tippi," said Mr. L, as he guided her away from the Toad. She was still seething. "He's not worth wasting any time on, dwelling about it."

"You're right," said Tippi, heaving a sigh and letting all the negativity flow out of her. "He's not worth it."

Nastaisa was already showing the picture around to other Toads, who all told basically the same story. Count Bleck had been there, asking about K. Man Koopa Troop, and had been told that nobody knew what he was talking about. Apparently that upset him, because they remembered him being angry hearing the answer. Evidently he'd had the same idea, too, to come to the center of town and ask. Just about everybody who was here now had been near the night before. But nobody knew where he was now.

Mr. L approached a nearby Toad.

"Hello," he said. "We're looking for—"

"The Count, I've heard," said the Toad. He smiled. He looked friendly enough.

"Can you tell me where he is?" asked Mr. L?

"No, of course not," said the Toad. "I can only help you _if_ you answer this question for me."

"And if I answer it, then you'll tell me where he is?"

"No, then I give you this key." And he pulled a key out of his pocket and showed it to Mr. L.

"And this key, it will unlock something as to where he is?"

"Sort of. It will unlock the door to an artifact. If you can find all three, you can figure out where you are."

"…What? No, I know where _I_ am."

"Oh, so you can finish the level."

"What?"

"Yeah, and after you finish all the levels, you should be able to find him."

"Okay… so, what was the question?"

"The question is, what is the height of the Great Pyramid?"

"Um… _what?_"

"Do you need me to repeat myself?"

"No," said Mr. L. "This is… this was the dumbest game in the whole series. I'm sorry, but I can't carry out this joke any longer."

"Very well. Good day."

"Yeah, good day." As he walked away, he muttered, "Weirdo" under his breath.

* * *

"This is the best idea ever," said Mimi. She, O'Chunks, and Dimentio were all going into Count Bleck's office when she said it, so whether or not she was right is really open for discussion. A moot point, if you will. She'd decided to look around his office some more and see if they couldn't find more clues. Dimentio and O'Chunks both didn't think it was a good thing to do, but trying to stop Mimi when she thought she had a good idea was like trying to stop a train when it thought it had more room to coast. So it was either leave her alone to do her thing, or watch as the drama unfolded.

I mean, which one would _you _pick?

Mimi started pawing through the stuff on the floor. "Gosh, he leaves such a mess in here," she said. "How can he find anything?"

"'E prob'ly remembers where 'e left it," said O'Chunks. "Yeh'd best not move the ones on the floor around too much, lest 'e figgur out we'd been in 'ere."

Dimentio stood idly, his eyes roaming around the room. When he wasn't causing trouble or plotting to take over the world, he was bored. And right now Mimi was causing trouble and he was between fiendish ideas.

Eventually they settled on the Beige Prognosticus, opened to the last page with writing on it. This wasn't a book of prophecies like the Light or Dark Prognosticus, if you'll recall. It was a make-your-own-destiny, the-past-makes-way-for-the-future book of archives and advice. Count Bleck theorized that if they recorded what they did and learned on their adventures, and then future generations could take heart in their quests for world peace.

The only things written on the page said:

_Though damage may be done, take heart. Rebuilding structures is far easier than rebuilding lives, so if some damage must be done let it be done. After all, what will it cost if you try to preserve everything and ultimately fail?_

Sound advice, reasoned Dimentio. The kind of thing you would expect to find in such a book. Vague and unhelpful, unless you read it at the right moment. The only other thing on the page was scribbling. Probably trying to warm up the pen when it wouldn't write.

Wait a minute. Those aren't random scribblings. It looks like careful scratches.

Good heavens, he realized, it's the Count's handwriting!

"No," Mimi said hotly, "I'm telling you, the chicken pan goes on the LEFT!"

"Ye'hr full o' more wind than a kilt in a summer breeze!" O'chunks shot back.

"If you're looking for a clue, why don't you look at this?" Dimentio waved his hand to cut them off. "The Count put something in the book after Nastasia finished writing about our last adventure."

"What's it say?" asked Mimi, jumping up to get a better look. O'Chunks leaned over her to look.

Dimentio looked it over and read slowly, like a first-grade student with his reader. "But what to do when it is not structures you are trying to preserve?" he said carefully. "If you had to destroy the most precious relationship in your life for the sake of everything else, which way would you go?"

"Deep," said Mimi softly. "I don't remember that coming up on any of our adventures."

"Sounds like the Count was 'avin some trouble o' 'is own," said O'Chunks. "D'yeh think this might 'ave to do with 'is disappearance?"

"Maybe," said Mimi. "We'd better call Nastasia."

* * *

"I see," said Nastasia into her cell phone SP. "And tell me, exactly, why you were in the Count's study in the first place."

"He never said _not _to go in there," Mimi said from the other end. "So I figured, you know, why not?"

"Yeah," Nastasia said in her regular, serious voice. "He also never specifically told you not to set off a fire flower down your underdrawers, so, um, you want to go ahead and do that? Right now. Yeah. Thought not."

"Why do you think he added something to the book after you gave it back?" asked Mimi, trying to steer the conversation away from that particular area. "I mean, he always has you write everything down."

"Maybe it was something he didn't want her to see!" Dimentio added, shouting over Mimi's shoulder into the phone.

"Dimentio says hi," Mimi said into the phone.

"I won't know why he didn't want me to see it until I know why he wrote it," said Nastasia. "But my gut is telling me something's wrong. I'm not even sure the letter was real."

"Then what was it?" asked Mimi.

"It was a real letter," Nastasia explained patently. "Like, with ink and paper and stuff. But the things it _said_ were a lie."

"Oh. Duh." Mimi giggled.

"Thanks for sharing with me," said Nastasia. "Why don't you see if you can find anything else important back at the castle?"

"Hey, what's supposed to be in here? It's all empty and junk."

"Um… _what?_" Nastasia looked at the phone with one eyebrow raised.

"Sorry," said Mimi. "I was pawing around his desk while I was talking to you. You know. Multitasking and junk."

"Yeah, I'm going to have to go ahead and ask you to never do that again, K?"

"What's the problem? His desk drawer was empty.

"Which drawer?" Nastasia asked?

"Bottom right at the Count's desk in his study," said Mimi. "Why do you ask?

Nastasia dropped the phone.

Tippi and Mr. L, who were sitting on a bench behind her, both looked at her curiously.

"What's wrong, Nastasia?" asked Tippi.

"The drawer is empty," she whispered. Slowly, as if in a haze, she bent down to pick up the SP. "Bottom right at the desk in his study."

"What's he keep in there?" Tippi pressed.

Nastasia put the phone back to her ear. She could hear Mimi saying, "Hello? Hello? Nastasia, are you still there?"

"Yeah," said Nastasia. Her voice was horrible- all hollow and scared, the kind you would reserve for telling someone his mother had died.

"Nassy, what's wrong? What is it?"

"That drawer," Nastasia whispered. "It's where he keeps the Dark Prognosticus."

* * *

_If you didn't get the joke in the scene with Mr. L and the Toad with the key, I was doing a parody of Mario is Missing, an old SNES game. The situation pretty much demanded it. If you don't know the game and don't want to look it up, you can just take it as a parody of the ridiculous situations video game characters always seem to find themselves in._


	3. 8 dash 3

EPISODE 8-3

Time stood still. Everyone had heard it. Tippi and Mr. L had heard it. Dimentio, Mimi, and O'Chunks had heard it. Maybe even everyone in Toad Town. It was such a monumental statement, how could you not have heard it? How could your life go on, after such a statement had been made? How could you continue shopping, buying badges and mushrooms, mailing letters, and playing with Li'l Oinks when the whole world had just been turned upside down?

The drawer where Count Bleck kept the Dark Prognosticus was empty.

Count Bleck was gone.

Had he run off with the Dark Prognosticus? Would he do such a thing?

Nastasia hung up. She would explain everything to them in a few minutes. Right now she needed to clear her head. She turned off the SP, because she knew they would call right back. They'd be worried. Well, too bad. She was worried too. She was more worried than those three could be put together.

He had kept it after he returned to the castle. At first nobody had known, but the secret was too big to stay hidden. He kept it for a number of reasons. The dark secrets it held was knowledge that could be found nowhere else, and that was important to him right now. Even if he wanted to destroy it, he couldn't. It would take more than a paper shredder to destroy such a powerful book. That reason alone was enough to keep it- if he had it, he knew nobody else could use it. That thought helped him sleep at night, knowing that nobody else could gaze upon its pages and plot the end of all worlds without anybody knowing.

"I knew he still had it," said Tippi.

"It's come up before," Mr. L added.

"We have to keep looking for him," said Tippi. "We can't slow down. We still have some leads."

"Yeah," said Nastasia. "So, um, this place is a dead end. We should go to Forever Forest. It was also mentioned in the letter, and there might be some clues there as to who K Man Koopa Troop is and what Count Bleck was doing. And hopefully the Dark Prognosticus will be nearby."

* * *

As soon as Nastasia hung up on them, they turned on Dimentio. He was still standing idly to the side, not entirely involved but not entirely separate. He looked them over, Mimi and O'Chunks, and gave them a friendly nod.

"You wouldn't happen to know anything about it, would you?" Mimi asked him sharply.

"I knew this would be coming right about now," he said. "I knew the Dark Prognosticus was there and have refused to have anything to do with it. It's more trouble than it's worth, at least for the time being. Prophecies, prognosticuses, hearts, heroes… they were probably right about making our own destinies- the heroes, that is. So that is what I'm doing now, you see?"

"Destinies about taking over the world?" Mimi snapped.

"Not at present," said Dimentio. "There is simply too much else going on in my life to fret about ruling an entire world. Maybe next year. And besides, have I not been good to you thus far?"

"Only so you would have a place to stay and something to do," Mimi shot back.

Dimentio smiled again, and then looked away. "I have ideas, not plans," he said. "I must do what is best for myself."

O'Chunks pondered for a moment, and then said, "Ah, we believe yeh. I don't think yeh 'ad anythin' to do wit' this."

"Your vote of trust is touching," Dimentio replied in a voice devoid of emotion.

"Because yeh'd have teh know that if it _was _you, and I found out, I'd strangle yeh."

Dimentio gulped. "Your words are clear as a window in a glass-cleaner commerical. And I thank you for the warning."

* * *

At the far end of Forever Forest was Boo's Mansion, where Lady Bow and about 999 other happy haunts lived. _(Oh wait wrong haunted mansion!)_ In reality, there were anywhere from ten to ninety Boos hanging around at all times. If they weren't there, they were visiting friends in Gusty Gulch, wandering through the forest, or out in the world scaring the living daylights out of anybody they could find.

The house looked deserted, as if it hadn't been lived in for centuries. Boos were generally thought to be another kind of creature like a Goomba or a Buzzy Beetle, rather than the spirit of a dead person, but they behaved in much the same way as a typical ghost. They left no markings on thier surroundings in their day-to-day activities, so it was possible for a Boo to live somewhere for years and have no effect on the home. So it was possible for all 999- I mean about a hundred- Boos to be in the mansion, and for it to look empty and deserted.

"I don't like this place," said Tippi with a shiver.

"Suck it up," said Nastasia. "It's for the Count."

Nastasia pushed open the gates. "Come on it," she said. "Remember Lady Bow from Peach's tea party? This is the mansion where she lives."

"I don't appreciate your tone," said Tippi.

"What?"

"Just now."

"Oh. Yeah, well, sorry. I guess I'm just a little on end."

"If you have a problem with me, I'd like to know about it."

"Yeah, so can we talk about this later? I'll pencil you in for after we find Count Bleck."

Mr. L cut in. "Boy, it's a good thing Dimentio isn't here." And he forced a little chuckle. He remembered how Dimentio had been shot down several times in an attempt to pick her up at the social event. Probably he was just playing around, but either way rejection isn't a pretty thing.

They went inside, and it was even more lonely and spooky on the inside. There was furniture, mostly broken down from dry rot. The banister on the edge of the stairs and balcony hall didn't look safe enough to protect you from a fall. The chandelier on the ceiling looked like you would need something to protect you if it fell. And the portraits of old Boos hanging on the walls were most certainly watching them.

"Hey!" Nastasia called out, although she was so stricken with fear she was surprised she could muster anything above a whisper. "Are there any Boos hanging around in here?"

Slowly, one Boo appeared in front of him, his face covered up.

He peeked out under his hands and said softly, "Are you gonna play nice?"

Nastasia was having none of it. She pulled out the picture of Count Bleck and the letter and said, "We're looking for this man, who we believe came here because of this letter."

The Boo was surprised that his creepy little act wasn't getting attention. Instead of taking the picture, he stretched his face out huge, making a horrible startling noise in the process. Nastasia didn't budge. Tippi and Mr. L jumped in surprise, but Tippi was resolved to stay and find out what happened to Count Bleck, and Mr. L just didn't want to look like a fraidy-goomba.

"You're no fun," the Boo grumbled. He took the letter and scanned it. "Fighting? I haven't heard about any fighting." He turned around and called out, "Hey, Keith! Josh! Heard about any fighting?"

"Nah," said a Boo, suddenly appearing right behind them. "It's been quiet as a Mouser 'round here."

Again, they were startled, but resolved not to show that the Boos were scaring them.

"Seen this man?" Nastasia prompted him to look at the picture.

"Nope," said the new Boo. Then he disappeared.

"I haven't seen anything like him," the first Boo added.

"Was anyone around here last night asking questions?" Nastasia pressed.

"Nobody here but us Boos."

"So, there's nobody living under the forest fighting with Toad Town and you guys, is that correct?"

"I don't think it's even possible to live under the forest," said the Boo. "Too sandy. After you get past Toad Town Tunnels, there's no way to dig more than ten feet without the dirt turning into mush. Unless K. Man Koopa Troop was raised by Monty Moles. Hey, that'd be pretty cool. A Koopa raised by Monty Moles."

"I knew it," said Nastasia, looking at the letter. It was too perfect. The way it started. We, too, have a problem. Not acknowledging that other people ask him for help. It's a given in the letter- but why? And it was addressed to Count Bleck rather than Castle Bleck. And the setup was too perfect, like she'd noted before. Seperated from your true love.

There were no huge red flags. The things she noticed now, she only noticed were wrong after she realized the letter had to be a set-up. It was too perfect. Count Bleck had no reason to question its authenticity. So he came here asking around, and…

And what?

And where did the Dark Prognosticus fit it?

Suddenly, about fifty Boos appeared in the room, all at the same time, all of a sudden, with their faces stretched out making that horrible yell Boos make when they're trying to scare someone. Tippi screamed. Mr. L jumped ten feet. Nastasia took off running. In two seconds, they were clear of the mansion, without even stopping to think.

The Boos fell apart laughing.

"Knew we'd get 'em eventually!" the Boo said cheerfully.


	4. 8 dash 4

EPISODE 8-4

They regrouped at the entrance to Forever Forest. None of them wanted to admit that the Boos finally got them, so they just moved on. Nastasia decided it would be best for them to go back to the castle and rethink their action plan, as well as brief the other three. So that's what they did. And that's where we are right now, after just telling Mimi, Dimentio, and O'Chunks what happened.

"I guess the question is," said Mr. L, "after Count Bleck found out the letter wasn't real, what did he do?"

"He would have come straight back," said Nastasia. "Unless he's found something we haven't yet."

"Or someone's got him."

It was Tippi who said it, but they all were thinking it. Tippi had been strong this entire time. Before now, Count Bleck had only been missing. But now it was clear that, even _if_ he was all right, which at this point was a pretty big _if_, something sinister was going on. Not knowing where he was was bad enough, but now it was all too possible he was in trouble, or hurt, or scared, or— or any number of terrible things.

She hadn't realized she was crying, but O'Chunks took her on his finger and tried to comfort her. "There, there, lass, we'll find out who's behind this. And when we take care of 'em!" He shook his fist. "Yeh know how we deal with no-good scoundrels who kidnap our Count?"

"Chunks?"

"Chunks."

Tippi sniffed. "That's very sweet," she told him. "Thank you."

Mr. L, meanwhile, was off to the side scribbling on a giant sketchpad. He just finished, and displayed it for them all to see.

* * *

THESE ARE THE FACTS

FACT 1: Count Bleck has not been seen since he left for his fact-finding mission yesterday afternoon

FACT 2: On his desk was a note he told no one else about, next to a letter

FACT 3: He was in Toad Town asking about the letter

FACT 4: He was _not_ in Boo's Mansion asking about the letter.

FACT 5: The events described in the letter are not true

FACT 6: Count Bleck figured this out while he was gone

FACT 7: Mimi broke his desk lamp.

FACT 8: Some time after the last time Nastasia updated the Beige Prognosticus, Count Bleck updated it without telling anyone.

FACT 9: The Dark Prognosticus is missing

* * *

"Is that all?" he asked, after the others had finished silently reading it.

"That's all _I_ can think of," said Nastasia.

"I did not!" Mimi said angrily. "It was totally like that when I got here!"

"Funny," said Dimentio. "It wasn't like that when _I_ got here. And I do believe we both got here at the same time."

Nastasia crossed her arms. "Yeah, so, I'm gonna have to ask you two to put your differences aside and work together to finish this mission, K? And if you don't, I'm going to chuck you both in the dungeon."

"I'll be good," said Mimi quietly.

"Super."

"D'yeh think we have enough o' these clues to figgur this out?" asked O'Chunks, turning the sketchpad over in his hands.

"I don't know where we'd find more," said Nastasia.

Just then, Mimi's SP began to ring. She picked it up. "Ooh, I got a letter," she said happily. "I hope its Danielle, she said she was going to tell me when those shoes I wanted came in…"

"I told you not to give out our mailbox address to your girlfriends," Nastasia snapped. "If it _is_ Danielle, I'm taking it away from you and changing the address."

"Ah, it's just Sherwood," said Mimi, disappointed. She tossed it over to Nastasia.

"Didn't you think he was cute?" asked Tippi.

"Yeah, but I'm _so_ over him. He'll never be able to do anything without his retarded friend."

"He's not retarded, he's _autistic_," Tippi scolded.

"Whatever."

Nastasia read a letter.

* * *

_Hey, Guys_

_Are you doing a mission on Lavalava Island? Because Grodus sent us here to dig up some funding for the X-Nauts and we saw Count Bleck. He saw us but he didn't say anything. I guess he's busy. But if you guys are here, then stop by and say hi! It's been a while!_

_--Sherwood_

* * *

Nastasia snapped it shut. "That's it. We're going to Lavalava Island. Everybody get what you need. We're leaving now."

"Wait, I have to pack!" Mimi squawked. "I haven't got my summer wardrobe out yet! I need to pick out a swimsuit and some beachwear and—"

"NOW, Mimi!"

"Yipes! Okay, okay! Now. Let's go."

* * *

They were on the shores of Lavalava Island in two shakes of a Yoshi's tongue.

"Spread out," ordered Nastasia. "Find Sherwood and Gary, and look out for the Count."

"Hey, all right!" Just then Sherwood waddled by the group with Gary following behind him. They both had enormous packs on their back, with tools like shovels and pickaxes tied to the sides. Sherwood stopped near them and dropped his pack. Gary watched and then mimicked.

"Never mind," said Nastasia. "Yeah, so, we got your letter."

"Prompt response," said Sherwood, looking over the group. "What's up? How've you been?"

"I have to say, this isn't a social call," said Nastasia. "This morning we discovered Count Bleck was missing, and since then have realized that something ominous is happening. Yeah, so if you could tell us where you saw the Count, that would be great. K?"

"Oh, wow." Sherwood glanced at Gary, and then back at the group. "I didn't know that was going on. Wow. Yeesh. Yeah, so I saw Count Bleck on the other side of the village, picking berries."

"Picking _berries_?" Mimi said with disgust. "We've been looking high and low for him all day long and he's picking tropical _berries_?" She crossed her arms and sat down, pouting.

"Please," said Tippi. "Mimi, just be happy this is almost over. We'll find Blumiere and he'll tell us what's been going on. Don't be difficult."

Mimi scowled at Tippi.

"Fine. Whatever." Tippi fluttered away from Mimi. "I'm going to go find my husband. You can sit here and behave like a petulant child."

"I'd love to come," said Sherwood, "but we've still got a lot of work to do. Hey, so catch up with us later, okay? Man, we've got stories, don't we, Gary?"

Gary picked up his pack and clicked impatiently at Sherwood.

"Gary wants to get back to work," said Sherwood. He picked up his own pack. "He just loves his job, don't you, Gary? Gary says yes."

"Yeah," said Nastasia. "We'll catch up with you. Goodbye, now."

"Yeah, bye!" Sherwood waved, and he and Gary continued on their way. Gary waved goodbye, too.

Instead of cutting through the Yoshi Village on Lavalava Island, they warped themselves to the other side of it. No use risking uproar with a group of Yoshis who have probably never seen the likes of them before. Unlike the residents of Toad Town, Yoshis don't get a lot of strangers on the island.

And it was just as Sherwood had said. Count Bleck was kneeling beside a bush in the jungle, picking berries off it. Next to him was an extremely large woven basket which was already half full of them (or was it half empty?).

He was dressed differently, though. Instead of his fine top hat, he wore a brown cap. Instead of his usual white and starry cape, he wore a dingy brown cloak. He had a plain tunic on under it. His gentleman's gloves were replaced with ordinary knit gloves. His monocle was gone, as was his staff. He looked positively common.

It was a bit of a shock- they'd never seen him wearing anything else before. He _looked_ the same, with his head floating between his cape and his hat, his hands attached to nothing, and his cape ending his body. It was that he _felt_ different.

Tippi approached him. "Blumiere," she said softly. "Blumiere, what are you doing?"

He didn't answer. He picked another berry, examined it, and put it in the basket.

"Excuse me!" she said loudly.

He looked up. "Oh, good evening!" he said pleasantly. "Lovely evening, isn't it?"

"Yes," said Tippi. "Blumiere, I was so worried about you!"

"Were you," he said, more to himself than to anyone. He was immersed in his berry-picking work.

"What have you been doing?" asked Tippi.

"Picking berries, of course," he said. "They need them, you know. My master and his partners. Got to have a lot of berries for a supreme berry cake. I hear it's a very good kind of cake."

"Your _master_?" Tippi said in surprise. "But Blumiere, you don't have a master!"

"Oh, Mr. Koopa is a good master," said Count Bleck cheerfully. "He makes sure nothing happens to me. It's a dangerous world, you know. Especially for folks like me."

"What do you mean?" asked Tippi.

"I'm sorry, ma'am," said Count Bleck. "I can't talk right now. I have so many more of these to pick, I can't stop to chitchat. But maybe you'd like to come over for a late supper? I do love to entertain, you know."

"Blumiere, stop being silly!" Tippi said sternly. "We were all very worried about you! Could you _please_ tell us what's going on?"

"I _did_," insisted Count Bleck. "I'm picking berries for my master's berry cake. I don't know how to make it any clearer than that."

"All right," said Tippi, feeling a bit flustered. "But you need to come back to the castle with us."

"I'm sorry," said Count Bleck, looking up and giving her a puzzled and irritated look. "Do I _know_ you, ma'am?"

* * *

_I'd like to take this opportunity to announce that the Count's World is going on hiatus for an indefinite amount of time… but I'm just not cruel enough to make a sick joke like that. Stay tuned for Part 2._


	5. 8 dash 5

_Okay, okay, I apologize for the footnote at the end of the last story. I've always liked teasing my audience, but I try not to cross the line from "cute and clever" to "obnoxious and totally not funny." Unfortunately, it seems I do cross it from time to time. If you were upset at the last one, you have my sincere apologies._

_Now, Part 2 of 'The Missing Count', presented in the same story as Part 1. It's just a twice-as-long story, actually… I'm just keepin' with the theme and keepin' you on your toes._

* * *

EPISODE 8-5

Tippi actually staggered backwards a few inches when she heard what her husband said to her. How could he not know her? His own wife, his beloved, the one whom he would destroy all worlds out of the pain of not having. What was going on?

"Oh, wow," said Mimi. "He doesn't know who you are."

"I'm sorry," said Count Bleck. "I didn't mean to be short with you… it's just that… you see, I have this memory problem. I've had it for, well, as long as I can remember. I can't make memories like normal people can, so I don't remember meeting people or going places. Mr. Koopa found me wandering around and decided to give me a chance and take care of me."

"If you don't have memories," said Dimentio, "then how do you know all this?"

"Mr. Koopa explained it to me," he said. "He says he reminds me every morning and every evening."

"And you _believe_ him?"

Count Bleck shrugged. "He's all I have. What else would I do?"

"Listen," said Tippi carefully. "Your name is Blumiere. Most people call you Count Bleck. You live in Castle Bleck in another dimension. I'm your wife, your one true love. These people here work for you. And you've never, never had problems with your memory before. I mean, there was that one time when you forgot your keys and locked yourself out of the castle, but everybody does stuff like that from time to time."

Count Bleck was already shaking his head. "No, no… I just—that doesn't—look, this is too big for me. I'm just a servant. You'd better come talk to my master. I'll bring you to him. But I have to finish picking these berries."

"Yeah, how 'bout we help you?" asked Nastasia. She adjusted her glasses. "My motivational teamwork speech probably hasn't worn off yet. Yeah, so I think all of you should go and help the Count pick the rest of these berries, K? Great."

Count Bleck shook his head. "Oh, no, no," he said quickly. "I could never ask you to—"

"You aren't asking," said Nastasia. "We're doing it anyway."

"Wow," said Count Bleck. "You must be really nice people."

"Nice people who _care_ for you," said Tippi. "My name's Timpani."

"Timpani," repeated Count Bleck. "That's a lovely name, Miss Timpani."

The group broke up and began to pick berries. Count Bleck showed them where the berry bushes were, how to tell if they were ripe, and which ones were prickly. With five extra pairs of hands helping, the work was done five times as fast.

Dimentio and Mimi were working on the same bush, a few plants away from the others. Mimi was picking on one side, Dimentio on the other.

"This bites," said Mimi. "I'm getting dirt all over my best dress."

"I wouldn't worry about it," said Dimentio casually.

"D'you think these stains will come out?"

"I don't think stains will be the problem."

"Oh, good," said Mimi with a big grin. She picked off another berry and dropped it into her skirt. Then, suddenly, it hit her. "Hey!" She stood up, spilling all the berries she'd picked, and stomped to the other side of the bush. Dimentio was stretched out in the grass, nibbling on a leaf from the bush.

"Morning," he said lazily.

"Dimentio, you better take back what you said about my dress!" she warned.

"No time for bickering," he reminded her. "There's work to be done. For the _Count_, remember?" and he added a nasty little grin.

"Well, you're one to talk, you're not working at all."

"Ah-ah-ah," he said, waving a finger. "You see, I _am_ working. For I am getting the job done… with magic!"

He snapped his fingers. A single berry disappeared off the bush, the way Dimentio popped in and out of dimensions, and appeared in Count Bleck's basket. He snapped again, and the same thing happened with a different berry.

"You're such a show-off," grumbled Mimi. She hunched her back and stormed off to her side of the bush.

"Don't be jealous!" Dimentio called after her. "We can't all be Masters of Dimesions."

In a very short time, the basket was filled and they all gathered around Count Bleck.

"I want to thank you all for helping me," he said. "My master says we can start making that cake as soon as I get back with these. If you want to meet him, follow me. It's just a little ways into the jungle."

He led them down a beaten path, through the exotic and sometimes interactive plants of Lavalava Island. There were lots of open spaces; beautiful places to stretch out among the foliage and watch the world go by. Everything was lush and tropical, sights you only see in a jungle, and if you aren't native to the area you really appreciate it. There was water running through all over, sometimes in ponds, sometimes in rivers, always clear and blue like the sky. If you didn't mind it being hot and muggy, it really could have been paradise.

Finally they came to a small camp. "Camp" wasn't really the perfect term for it, because camps are generally temporary and this looked permanent. But it was far too small to be considered a village. There were three straw huts in a clearing, arranged in a semicircle, with a fire pit in the middle of everything. It was built near a river, and there were signs of washing and cooking set up nearby. The whole place had a very lived-in feel to it, like people had been residing there for quite some time.

There were three different Koopas in this little village-camp. There was a blue Magikoopa visible from the paths in one of the huts, bent over a book. Magikoopas do a lot of studying. A pink-shelled female Koopa was kneeling beside the stream, washing some laundry. She looked tired, but at the same time happy. A red-shelled bad Koopa Troop was lounging in a beach chair nearby.

(You could tell he was bad because he had those pointed shades, and in Paper Mario canon only bad Koopas wear those shades. Remember in Super Paper Mario when Nastasia turned the good Koopa bad? And he didn't have shades, and then he did? Yeah. That was a nice touch.)

"Mr. Koopa!" called Count Bleck, waving his hand. "I brought the berries for you!"

The red-shelled Koopa looked up. "Already?" he said irritably. "That shoulda took you _hours_."

"My friends helped me out," explained Count Bleck.

"Friends?" the Koopa said in surprise. "Man, didn't I tell you not to go talkin' to anybody? Don't wanna listen to strangers tryin' to take advantage of you."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Koopa," said Count Bleck sheepishly. "But they said they knew me."

"Of course they did," said the Koopa. "I bet you blabbed your memory problem to them, didn't you? Man, everybody's gonna want to be takin' advantage of you when they find out you ain't got no memory. Tell you anything, make you believe anything. Good way to loose all your money, I'll tell ya."

"But, they said they knew me _before_ I told them…" Count Bleck trailed off. It was clear he was on some level afraid of the Koopa. Count Bleck, who was usually so powerful, was afraid of this Koopa. And why shouldn't he be? He had no memories, and this man claimed to have them for him. Thus, he had total control.

"Chill out," the pink-shelled Koopa called from the river. "You be talkin' trash all over the place, it ain't no thing. Just greet our guests an' try to be polite, would ya?"

"Ah, Pearly, you know I don't mean nothin'." The Kooopa waved at her. "That's Pearly, she my girl. They call me K. Man Koopa, but you can call me K. Man. And this is our esteemed servant, who's been very good at helping us over the years."

"Years?" Tippi said with disgust. "He's only been missing for a day."

"Naw, man, we must be talkin' 'bout two different people," said K. Man. "Who _you_ talkin' 'bout?"

"Blumiere," said Tippi. "Count Bleck."

"Ah, see, why you wanna go lookin' for him? That's wrong." K. Man turned to Pearly. "You hear that, girl? They lookin' fer Count Bleck."

Pearly laughed. "Man, if that guy missin' he better _stay_ missin', know what I'm sayin'? You ain't wanna know what'd happen we ever found him."

Count Bleck raised his hand. "Excuse me, may I say something?"

"This ain't school," said K. Man. "Don't need permission to speak. Go 'head."

"What if these people really do know me? I wouldn't know, and you wouldn't, but they seem to." Count Bleck looked at them. "I mean, it's possible."

"Nah, man," said K. Man. "See, you thinkin' like they _want_ you to. See, since you don't remember nothin', people think they can get away with anything. You lucky we let you work for us. No tellin' what other people would make you do, and stiff you on your pay besides. Oh, that reminds me." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a bag. "This week's pay. 150 coins."

In the group of minions, jaws were dropped. 150 coins was a _very_ good wage to make in most parts of the world.

"Thank you," said Count Bleck. "Do you think we could go into town later and I could spend some?"

"Yeah," said K. Man. "Sure. Me and Pearly got to go down anyway, pick up some things. Write yerself a note so ya don't forget."

Tippi was shaking. "I don't believe what I'm seeing," she said. "This is… this is depraved! That's my husband, not your servant!"

"I'm tellin' ya, he's our servant," said K. Man. "I don't know who you thinkin' of."

"We're getting nowhere," said Nastasia to Tippi. "We have to regroup. Fall back."

"But—but Blumiere—"

"I know," said Nastasia. "I know exactly how you feel. But we're getting nowhere. Let's fall back."

"Yo, if you wanna stay for dinner, that's cool," said K. Man. "Pearly's here cookin' up some 'shrooms and coconuts."

"We politely decline," said Tippi coldly. "Good-bye, Mr. K. Man."

"See ya," said K. Man, waving lazily. "Say goodbye to our guests, man."

Count Bleck waved. "Goodbye," he said cheerfully. "Nice meeting you."

* * *

They fell back into the jungle, far enough away to have privacy, but close enough to be close. It was very important to be close, even if you couldn't do anything.

"That's so wicked, what they're doing," Tippi said for the thousandth time. "Treating him like some kind of servant."

"It's so freaky," said Mimi. "Like, he was the Count, but he _wasn't_, you know?"

"Ah, what's all the blither-blather fer?" O'Chunks beat his chest once. "I say we go innere an' take our Count back. I'll pound 'em through the planet, and when they come out o' tha other end, I'll send 'em right back! Fist ping-pong!"

"No, that's a terrible idea," said Nastasia. "What if the Count takes _their_ side? And you saw there was a Magikoopa in the back. You never know how strong they are until they show you. Besides, we have to find out why he has no memories. If we never do, we'll never even have a chance to get them back. So, yeah, three reasons right there."

"Ah ha ha ha," said Dimentio softly. "It seems that the Count is still missing, then. For without his memories, his experiences… is he truly our Count?"

"Don't say that!" Tippi screamed. "He's still my Blumiere! He knows me; I saw it in his eyes! I know he knows me! I love him! I love him!" and she broke down into hysterical sobbing, sobbing that no one could hope to comfort. It was a pain like no other, what Tippi was going through. All the others could do was wait it out. She was too far gone to receive any comfort.

But Fate was ready to smile on them all. Count Bleck was not yet lost to them.


	6. 8 dash 6

EPISODE 8-6

Count Bleck was sitting on a stump near the camp. K. Man and Pearly were eating dinner together. Count Bleck had brought the Magikoopa dinner in his hut so he wouldn't have to break from studying to eat. He could have gotten himself a bowl while he was at it, but he wasn't hungry.

This was wrong. He was too busy thinking about that to even care about being hungry. He knew that those other people knew him, and he felt as if he knew them, too. Why did he know them? And why did he feel love for her? Were they together before… before what?

"Yo, not feelin good?" K. Man called over to him.

Count Bleck shook his head. "No," he said. "I keep thinking about those people who helped me… I know them. I've been thinking about it, and I'm sure I know them."

"Nah, you just think you do 'cause they expect you to," said K. Man. "That's somethin' that happens to people. Learned it when I took psychology at the university."

Pearly laughed. "You went to university, did ya?"

"'Fore I flunked out, yeah," said K. Man. "I'll have you know I'm a real, real smart guy. I can divide by 0. I learned stuff at the university."

"Woooow," said Pearly with mock impression. "You must be some kinda super-genius."

"Excuse me," said Count Bleck. "I really would like to speak to them some more. I think something isn't right, here."

"You aint' gonna drop this, are ya?"

"No," said Count Bleck.

"Dang it, why's it got to be like this?" K. Man sighed. "Hey, Elmer! C'mere a minute!"

"YOU c'mere a minute!" the Magikoopa called from the tent.

"You better haul your shell out here 'fore I put a crack in it!" K. Man hollered, shaking his fist. "Know what I'm sayin'? Or would you rather I just make a bonfire with yer spell books?"

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Wanna find out?"

Elmer peered meekly out of the hut. "So, uh, what's up?"

"Need you to do another 'memory transplant,'" said K. Man. "Think our little servant-boy here knows too much."

"So soon?" said Elmer, looking a little pale. "K. Man, that takes a lot of work. I'm very tired."

"Yo, you best do it right now, 'less you want 'im to figgur out what's going on!"

Elmer groaned. "All right, just give me a minute to get ready."

"What are you talking about?" said Count Bleck, standing up.

"This aint' nothin'," said K. Man. "Don't worry."

"You… _you_ did this to me!"

"Genius!" K. Man clapped his hands once. "You're a piece o' scum, Count Bleck. You a piece o' scum who ruined our lives and never got no consequence for it. And now you gonna spend the rest of your life as our amnesiac slave. An' I'm gonna sit here and gloat about it for the rest of my life! It's awesome!

"And you know what else? There ain't no cake! I just wanted you out of my hair!" He reached into Count Bleck's pocket and pulled out the pouch. "And I'm gonna pay you the same money every day, and you'll never know! And when I get sick of it, I'll dump you off on someone else who isn't!"

Pearly put her face in her hands and groaned.

"You're a _monster_!" Count Bleck wanted to fight. Could he fight? If he hit, would he do damage? Did he know magic? Did it matter?

No, it didn't. He belted K. Man across the face, and the Koopa fell backwards on his shell. He kicked and flailed, trying to stand up.

"Hey!" K. Man shouted. "Don't you think you can knock me over! I'll knock _you_ over! I'll bust you up so bad you can't even—"

Count Bleck stuck out his elbow and landed hard on K. Man's stomach, knocking the wind right out of him.

"That's enough!" shrieked Pearly.

"You're right," said Elmer. He held up a red amulet, muttered a few words, and suddenly Count Bleck froze, and then went limp. The amulet glowed. Elmer tucked it under his robes.

"I'm sorry," said Count Bleck vaguely. "I was just… a bit… what's going on?" He leaned down and helped K. Man stand up. "Goodness, are you all right, sir?"

"Yeah," said K. Man. "Listen, you ain't got no memory."

"I can see that."

"I'm K. Man Koopa. I'm your boss, you're my servent."

"Really?"

"Really," said K. Man. "Think about it."

Count Bleck rolled his eyes back and thought hard. "Yes… this seems familiar to me…"

"Good. Lemme explain it to ya again… I do this all the time, by the way."

* * *

Meanwhile, Tippi, Nastasia, O'Chunks, Dimentio, Mimi, and Mr. L had all settled into a camp of their own, set up a place to stay for the night, and were now all brainstorming ways to save their beloved Count. We went over this last time.

"You know all about magic an' stuff," said Mimi to Dimentio. "Do you know anything about memory loss and restoration?"

"No," said Dimentio. "My specialty is in _de_struction, not _recon_struction. And above all else, I am a Master of Dimensions. For I am Dimentio, Cha—"

Mr. L cut him off. "Look, you've been asked nicely quite a few times to stop calling yourself that. You are in _no way_ charming, at all. So _knock it off._"

Dimentio glowered at dArkliTe-sPirit.

"What about brainwashing?" asked Mr. L. "Could he be brainwashed?"

"I don't think so," said Nastasia. "If he were, why wouldn't he be brainwashed to give his loyalty to K. Man? Also, brainwashing doesn't necessarily erase your memories."

"Well, that's all I have experience with," said Mr. L. He remembered when he was brainwashed, he knew who he was and where he came from, but all that mattered to him was serving the Count. When he was _un_brainwahsed by Dimentio, he'd lost all memory of being brainwashed. Truly, it was a very confusing thing.

"Tippi, when did you get _your_ memories back?" asked Nastasia.

"After seeing Blumiere," said Tippi. "When I saw him, it triggered the part of my mind that still had the memories locked away."

"I see," said Nastasia. "Yeah, I think that's important to know. I'll just file it away for future refrence, K?"

Suddenly, they heard a rustling in the bushes. O'Chunks stepped in front of the others, pushing Nastasia back with one beefy arm while holding the other in a fist.

"Ey!" he called. "Who goes there? Show yerself!"

The bushes parted, and Pearly stepped out. She pulled some leaves off of her and crunched them in her hands. Then she smiled at the others.

"Yo," she said. "I just came from the camp."

"Does K. Man know you're out here?" asked Tippi.

"Don't call 'im that when he's not around," said Pearly. "His name's Cayman, but he thinks K. Man sounds more 'thug' or somethin'. I think it's stupid."

"What are you doing here?"

"Look," said Pearly. "I don't like what's goin' on, you know? I want to get my revenge on the Count as much as anyone else, but when I found out he had a _wife, _then I was all, no thanks!"

"Hm," said Tippi coldly. "Yeah, it's all right when he's just one person, but heaven forbid there are people who care about him."

"I wanna punish _him_, not anyone else," said Pearly. "Not fair to you if ya married a creep."

"Why you disrespectful little—"

"Chill," said Pearly, holding up her hands. "Look, I just wanted to tell ya, if you want your husband back, Elmer's keeping his memories."

"Who?"

"The Magikoopa," explained Pearly. "I dunno how, he just is."

"Ahh," said Dimentio. "He's holding our Count's memories… with magic!"

"Yeah, whatever," said Pearly. "Look, I'd better get back 'fore anybody sees I'm gone. Peace."

Nastasia glanced at O'Chunks out of the corner of her eye and gave a little nod. O'Chunks grabbed Pearly by the shoulder and kept her from turning away.

"Yeah," said Nastasia. "Look, we're really happy you came to talk to us. So happy, actually, we think we're gonna want to hear a little more out of you, K? So you're gonna sit here at the camp with us and have a nice little chat. Yeah, that sounds like a plan. What do you think?"

Pearly struggled. O'Chunks picked her up, holding her arms to her side, and away from his body so her kicks hit the air. "You put me down!" she shrieked. "When Cayman finds out about this—"

"Oh, don't worry," said Nastasia. "Yeah, Mimi will make sure that Mr. Koopa doesn't notice you're gone. Don't worry."

"Mimimimimimi!" Mimi giggled and turned into an exact copy of Pearly. "Oh, wow, this is gonna be fun!"

"Ah, 'member when I taught ya to talk tough back in Rogueport?" asked O'Chunks.

"Sure do!"

"Be sure to try it out," said O'Chunks. "This one 'ere, she's tough to the gizzards."

"Okay," said Mimi. She cleared her throat. "Avast, ye scurvy gangstas! Yo mama ain't got no game! Arrrr!"

"I do _not_ talk like that," said Pearly flatly.

"That's just her," said O'Chunks. "Don't take it personal."

Mimi scampered off into the woods, following the path cleared by Pearly. O'Chunks set her down on a log seat, and Dimentio put a black box barrier around her, keeping her from escaping.

"Yo, what are you gonna do to me!" she squealed. "Don't you touch me! I'll mess you up bad!"

Nastasia sat next to Pearly. "Oh, don't worry. Like I said, we're just going to talk."

Mr. L leaned over to Tippi and whispered, "I thought we weren't evil anymore."

"Just roll with it," Tippi whispered back. "Old habits, I guess."


	7. 8 dash 7

EPISODE 8-7

Sherwood and Gary stumbled into the camp not too long after. Nastasia was holding Pearly prisoner in the black outline, and she absolutely refused to cooperate. She sat on the log with her arms crossed, back to Nastasia, sneering at everything. The minions stood down as they waited for Nastasia to give orders.

"Yeah," said Nastasia, before she saw Sherwood and Gary. "So, listen, just FYI, we really need you to tell us more about that amulet, K? So it would be great if you could get that info to us ASAP. K? Super."

Pearly harrumphed.

Nastasia made a tsking noise and went to the other side of Pearly. Pearly harrumphed again and turned around.

"See, that's a real shame," Nastasia said to her. "Because if you aren't going to be good and cooperate with us, then I'm going to have to brainwash you so you _will_. K?"

Pearly spun around and glared daggers at Nastasia. "You wouldn't!" she snarled.

At this point, Sherwood waved his hand. "Hey, um, hi. I heard you might need help or something?"

"Oh, great, you got the message," said Nastasia. "Yeah, so the Count is in trouble and we kinda need some extra hands here."

"No problem," said Sherwood. "We're done with our work for today. The guys and them are all down at the waterfront playing around, so Gary and me just decided to come on up here. What's the situation?"

"Well, the Count is—" she started, but then paused. Then, thoughtfully, she said, "How many guys?"

* * *

Back at the camp, K. Man Koopa was tending the fire, trying to keep it alive. Mimi, disguised as Pearly, was trying to play the part of his girlfriend- which was easy since the second she saw him she developed a huge crush on him. Elmer was still shut away in a hut, and Count Bleck was gathering sticks to kindle the fire.

"Oooh, K. Man," cooed Mimi, "I just _love_ how you look when you stir the fire."

"Thanks," said K. Man. "Gotta show that fire who's boss, know what I'm sayin'?" And he wrapped his arm around her and planted a big kiss on her turtle snout.

Count Bleck groaned- but then suddenly remembered something. Him and someone else—no, now it's gone, whatever it was.

Just then, Elmer burst out of the hut, waving a book around in the air. "I've got it!" he cried out. "I've got it!"

K. Man let go of Mimi, to her disappointment, and dropped the fire poker. Mimi fell backwards onto her shell, and Count Bleck immediately rushed over to help her up.

"Thanks, Count," she said.

"What?" Count Bleck didn't understand.

Elmer opened the book to the beginning. Mimi crowded behind K. Man to look, and gasped- it was the Dark Prognosticus.

"You see, these runes are written _sideways_," explained Elmer. "The Tribe of Darkness writes differently than those in the Koopa Region. I thought they merely read backwards, like many regions do, but they _don't_. It's not backwards, it's only sideways. After I figured that out, all the pieces fell into place for me."

"Blah, blah, blah," said K. Man. "Cut the brainy stuff, just tell me how you destroy this thing."

"It's not possible," said Elmer. "But from what I can tell based on it's descriptions of the worlds, we could _create_ a dimension of nothing, put the book in it, and then lock it off from the world. No one would ever find it!"

"Where's it say that?" K. Man looked over Elmer's shoulder at the dark text.

"It doesn't _say_ anything," said Elmer. "I _inferred_."

"Well, infer me up a new dimension," said K. Man. "We gotta get this thing outta here."

"That will take some work," said Elmer.

"Gosh," Mimi whispered to Count Bleck. "They're gonna take the Dark Prognosticus and seal it away so nobody can find it."

Dark Prognosticus… there was a tiny trace of that left in his memory, but it meant nothing to him. Only the words were familiar, nothing more. He shook his head.

"Don'tcha remember anything, Count?" asked Mimi.

"I'm sorry," he said. "You see, I have this memory problem where—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know," she grumbled.

Suddenly, there was a rustling in the bushes. Elmer darted into the hut and stashed the Dark Prognosticus. K. Man grabbed Pearly and put her to safety. Elmer jumped back out and spread his arms to prepare a spell.

Twenty X-Nauts came out of the bushes, surrounding the camp completely. O'Chunks came at the lead, tearing bushes out of the ground by their roots in a display of intimidation. Mr. L landed his Brobot in the middle of the clearing, with Dimentio riding on top of the hat, enjoying himself immensely. And Nastasia simply stepped calmly out into the clearing, Pearly at her side, Tippi at her head.

The cavalry had arrived- overkill, yes, but it was important for the Koopas to know that they meant _business_, and they were most definitely not leaving without the Count.

It was deathly silent. The Koopas were clearly outnumbered and outgunned, and were waiting for the next move.

Finally, K. Man broke the silence. "P-Pearly?" he whispered.

He looked at the Pearly he had just shoved to safety. In a puff of purple smoke, it turned back into Mimi. Mimi giggled and skipped over to Nastasia. "Sorry, had to trick you to keep everything quiet. But, hey, thanks for that big ol' smooch, dreamboat!"

"What a loose woman you are," said Dimentio.

"Can it, Jester," snapped Mimi.

And, in the interest of time, he did.

"Yeah," said Nastasia, "So, see, what we've got here is a business negotiation. And we have the upper hand, too."

"Don't you think you can out-tough the tough guy!" said K. Man. "'Sides, we got magic on our side, right, Elmer?"

"Uh…" Elmer leaned over to K. Man. "Yeah, see… I'm a _healing_ Magikoopa. Super sorry."

K. Man put his face in his hands.

"But _he_ knows magic," Elmer offered, pointing at Count Bleck.

"Yeah, but he don't know it."

"Huh." Elmer put his hand to his chin thoughtfully. "Yeah, that's true."

"What do you want?" K. Man shouted at his aggressors.

"We want our Count back," said Nastasia. "And the Dark Prognosticus."

"Fat chance!" And he sneered at them. "I don't know which of those asking is more stupid than the other! 'Cause I ain't givin' ya either!"

"Fine, then," said Nastaisa. "We'll keep your girlfriend in trade."

"She won't never work for you!" K. Man shouted.

"Oh, but she's already agreed," said Nastasia smugly. "Haven't you, dear?"

"Hail Bleck!" shouted Pearly enthusiastically.

"If you return our Count and his memories to us, we'll return Pearly unbrainwashed to you," said Nastasia. "Those are my terms." She nodded to the X-Nauts. "Try anything, and Crowd Control here will keep it from happening, understand?"

K. Man spun on his heels to face the Count. "You! You can get rid of them. You got powerful magic. You could send them away."

"I don't doubt I could," said the Count. "I've felt I had powers I didn't know."

"Then do it!"

"No," said Count Bleck.

"No?"

"This is not my fight," Count Bleck said with a quick shake of the head.

"You work for _me_!" K. Man shouted angrily. He stomped his foot to punctuate himself.

"So you say," said Count Bleck. "But, you see, I don't know what you stand for, nor do I know what they want. I'm not on anybody's side in this. I'm sorry if this displeases you, but I cannot in good conscience attack somebody without knowing morally where everybody stands, explained Count Bleck." He paused. "Where did that come from?" he wondered aloud.

Elmer leaned into K. Man and whispered, "Reflex. Can't get rid of those."

K. Man shoved Elmer aside. "I don't care about that!" he snapped. Then, to Count Bleck, he said, "Well, where was your conscience when you—no no, forget this. I ain't buyin' it. We're trashin' the Prognostical so nobody can mess up with it again!"

"But _we're_ keeping it for the same reason," Nastasia said impatiently. She huffed. "It can't be destroyed. If you don't guard it at all times, it could fall into the wrong hands."

"Like it already didn't!"

"ENOUGH!" she shouted so loud the ground itself seemed to shake. "This is getting us nowhere!"

"I ain't lettin' him get away with this!" shouted K. Man. "After what he did, you want me to just pass 'im back to you? I say no way! I got my revenge, don't ya see? An' I'm not lettin' you guys take that away from me!"

"The Count has suffered enough! He has felt the pain of the loss of his love and the full impact of his actions upon it. He's lived a life knowing what he has been, with no promise to erase his sins from his past! He was a good man once, and he is a good man again!"

"Don't you feed me that crud! I ain't buyin' it! He's a monster! He sucked up my whole world! You got any idea what that's like, to have your whole world sucked up? To _not exist_, even for a little while?"

"Yes, we do!" Tippi joined in. "I've lived it! They've lived it! The past is the past!"

"There must be punishment!

"There already has been!"

Then, at the same time, both sides screamed out, "Why can't you just see this _my_ way!"

And Count Bleck spread his arms out wide and roared, "ENOUGH!"

And then, then it got weird.


	8. 8 dash 8

_Remember the note I had at the beginning of 4-4? Well, I was wrong! Yay! And I didn't even do this on purpose! It just worked out that way!_

* * *

EPISODE 8-8

Now, this all happened in the span of a couple of seconds. Half a minute, tops.

Count Bleck spread his arms out, and a large purple cloud filled the air around them. All of a sudden, it was like everybody's thoughts were everyone else's, and they were all the same mind.

That is, suddenly, everyone knew how everyone else felt.

The minions felt what K. Man had felt this entire time. Anger. Frustration. And, just under that, fear. Fear that his life might be taken away suddenly again, fear that he would be separated from Pearly.

They relived the moment in which the void swallowed his world. He and Pearly stood together, facing it, holding hands.

"Whatever happens, I'll stay with you," he'd said.

She'd squeezed his hands, and they closed their eyes…

They felt the joy that K. Man and Pearly felt when they opened their eyes, and saw that the void was closing in the sky. They felt the purity of happiness and love at that moment.

They felt the anger, when they heard that the one who did this was living a happy little life, in his old castle, with the old dark book. They felt the hurt and betrayal, that this so-called hero hadn't vanquished him entirely.

K. Man, too, felt the emotions and saw the past of the minions. They saw the admiration they had for their Count, how each one of them (with the exception of Dimentio) would lay down their very lives for him. They felt the love he had for Timpani, the pain he felt when he lost her, and the anger that turned him into Count Bleck.

They saw Dimentio's evil intentions, masking his own present uncertainty that kept him from doing anything. They felt it even through the confident and casual appearance he always put up for everybody else.

They felt Mimi, happy and silly, without a care in the world outside of serving her Count.

They felt O'Chunks, who would waste the first person who spoke ill of his beloved leader.

They felt Nastasia, who still now was devoted to the Count out of love and responsibility. That one day, maybe he might love her the way he loved his wife. Or that one day she could forget him and move on.

They felt Mr. L, not a monster at all but a man who was constantly in the shadow of his brother and whose deepest desire was to break away and be something of his own. That he put the mask on because Mr. L was everything Luigi was not.

The Count's memories burst out of the amulet to join in, and for the first time his minions saw what he had gone through. He'd received the letter. Elmer had written it and K. Man had signed it. He'd gone out and been captured in the forest on his way to the mansion.

They'd told him that if he didn't bring them the Prognisticus, they would get rid of him and then tear the castle apart looking for it. Count Bleck wanted to tell Timpani, he _almost_ did, but found he couldn't worry her. He wrote that excerpt in the Beige Prognosticus out of desperation. He took the book to K. Man and hoped that was it. But at the last second, they took his memories, and tricked him into being their servant.

With rage the minions felt K. Man's glee at watching the monster that destroyed their world nothing more than a servant boy, cleaning up their camp. But they felt _beyond_ the glee, to the satisfaction that they had done right and brought justice to the world.

K. Man felt the rage the minions felt at his glee, and there was total empathy. Now, each one understood exactly where the other one was coming from. A complete, total understanding. Each side understood it exactly the same way as the other side.

The X-Nauts were in on it, too, although they weren't quite as important to the story. Gary understood the world like he never had before, and all the others felt his daily struggle to understand and to be understood. The love Sherwood had for his friends and home. How Mindy really loved Daniel even though she acted like she didn't. That even though Morris was a bully, he did it because he didn't think people would like him anyway. That Erik had always secretly loved to play with dolls, and had a fine collection at home. And Erik felt that nobody had a problem with that.

It ended as suddenly as it had started, and remember; only a few seconds had passed. The Count, exhausted from the effort of combining the consciousness of so many people, fell to the ground. His minions rushed to him. K. Man, too, moved to go to him until he remembered which one he was.

"I'm fine, Count Bleck said breathlessly. Just a bit winded."

"You've got your memories back," said Tippi happily.

Count Bleck shook his head. "No," he said. "But I did see them."

K. Man approached the group now. He took his shades off, and they saw his eyes were rimmed and tired. He rubbed them with his fist and said, "Look, uh… I'm sorry for what I done. I mean… I think I am. I ain't sorry for how I felt, but… I guess you knew what you was talkin' 'bout."

"I understand," said Nastasia. "I assure you, we are all deeply sorry for what we did in the past, and want nothing more than to make up for it."

Elmer stepped forward, too, and held out the amulet. Count Bleck twitched, the amulet glowed, and his memories were finally back in the right place.

"Thank you," said Count Bleck. "I did feel a bit vulnerable without them."

"Look," said K. Man. "I don't wanna make a thing outta this. Just give me back Pearly and we'll make like this never happened."

Nastasia called Pearly over, and restored her to her normal state.

Pearly ran to K. Man and threw her arms around him. "Oh, K., that was messed up! I wanna get outta here!"

"In a minute, baby," said K. Man. "I wanna make sure this all evens out."

Count Bleck straightened up. Even dressed in his drab peasants clothes, there was something formal about him. His presence was that of a leader, now that he had his memories back.

"If you agree to drop your desire for revenge, than this will be the end of it right here," said Count Bleck. "We will wipe the slate clean. No hard feelings either way."

"Yeah," said K. Man. "Me and Pearly gotta realign our lives, you know?"

Count Bleck extended his hand. "May we part as comrades," he said.

K. Man frowned and shook his head. "Nah, man," he said. "I ain't never gonna feel no different 'bout you. I just can't stay mad, know what I'm sayin'?"

Count Bleck withdrew his hand. "I understand," he said. "Fare well, then, K. Man Koopa."

And with that, it was finally over.

* * *

Count Bleck insisted on sending each and every X-Naut that helped out a gift basket of muffins and mushrooms. Nastasia put the minions to work assembling that.

"The world is always better when we thank each other properly for their assistance," said Count Bleck. "People should do good out of their hearts, but it never hurts to express deep gratitude. And what better way to thank someone for saving your skin than with blueberry muffins?"

Typical Blumiere, Tippi had thought.

And so life was restored to the way it had been before. In other words, everything was back to normal. I do hate that phrase, because it seems so unnatural. In television everything has to be "back to normal" at the end of the episode so it can be shown easily in syndication. But real life is a series of transitions, with no real normalcy to return to, only a bright and changing future ahead. Of course, since this is _based_ on television, well, you can see my dilemma.

Ah, wait. There is one change that I do think should be shared. It took place soon after the minions returned to the castle, when they were still working on the gift baskets. You see, everybody's thoughts had become everyone else's so briefly that they'd only had time to focus on the strongest ones, or the ones closest to them. And there was one very special thought that had been shared.

Nastasia played superviser while the minions worked in an assembly line- Mimi arranging the homemade muffins in the basket, Mr. L wrapping it in cellophane, Dimentio tying it shut with a ribbon, and O'Chunks stamping the card to the front (stamping was the closest thing to chunking, so that was the only way he would allow himself to be associated with this activity. And if you ever tell anyone, Heaven help you.)

Nastasia watched them work like a well-oiled machine, like a factory line. She was happy, purely happy.

You see, she'd seen what she had been waiting for all this time. In the Count's memories, she had seen one simple interaction from his point of view. The interaction wasn't important- she didn't even remember what it was about. She'd only seen that, at that one moment in time, he had loved her the way he'd loved Timpani.

That wasn't what made her feel happy. She had longed for Count Bleck's love since the day he had rescued her, and once she felt it, she knew it was wrong. She felt his love for Timpani at the same time, and the futility of her longing weighed on her heart like a ton.

A split second later, she felt another love directed to her. A love as pure as the one she longed for. It lifted her spirits in the air, and showed her that there was more for her than an unrequited desire.

That love, of course, came from O'Chunks.

She didn't know if he knew she felt it. She watched him now, affixing the cards to the gift baskets. He sensed he was being watched and glanced up. But Nastasia had already looked away.

"Hey, O'Chunks," said Mimi, as soon as Nastasia was out of earshot. "Nassy was lookin' at you." She giggled, and emphasized the word "looking" to imply a certain kind of looking.

"Ah, yehr full o' wet cabbage," said O'Chunks. He glanced at Nastasia and wondered, did she know? Had she felt it when they were all mixed together?

Nastasia smiled as she left the room. She wasn't yet sure if she loved him or not, but it felt wonderful to be loved. Finally, she had a future.

THE END

_Not forever- I just decided I liked how 'the end' looked at the end of an episode. Don't worry- when it _is _forever, you'll know way in advance._


End file.
